When Strength Means Asking for Help: Grace, Wellness and Listening to the Whisper

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
—2 Corinthians 12:9

Healthcare culture often values competence above almost everything else. We are taught to project confidence, appear fully capable and maintain some sense of control at all times. Healthcare professionals are expected to know what to do. Caregivers are expected to keep going. Women are expected to manage the appointments, medications, schedules, emotions and needs of everyone around them, often without allowing their own needs to disrupt the plan.

Somewhere along the way, many of us begin to believe that being strong means never looking weak.

But does it?

Being a healthcare professional does not exempt us from becoming patients. Being a caregiver does not mean we will never need care. Being knowledgeable does not mean we will always understand what is happening inside our own bodies.

Weakness is not disqualifying. It is human. And for those of us who believe, weakness is also one of the places where God’s grace becomes most visible.

Paul learned that grace fills the space where human strength ends. I have learned that lesson more than once—sometimes gently, but often while flat on my back wondering, How did I get here?

We Are Very Good at Pushing Through

Middle-aged women may be some of the most capable people walking the earth. We work tired. We care for other people while we are hurting. We push through interrupted sleep, headaches, digestive issues, muscle pain, brain fog and emotional exhaustion because someone depends on us.

Many Gen X women were raised by Baby Boomer mothers who seemed to push through everything. We watched them work, care for families, manage homes, grieve and carry burdens without stopping long enough to ask whether they themselves were okay.

That strength deserves respect, but it also established a pattern that many of us now have to challenge and rewrite.

We can be strong without ignoring our bodies. We can be dependable without becoming invisible. We can care deeply for others without treating our own health as an inconvenience.

During this phase of life, nearly every symptom seems to have the same possible explanation. We are tired because we are busy. We cannot sleep because of menopause. Our joints hurt because we are aging. Our minds feel foggy because we are carrying too much. Our moods change because our hormones are changing. Our bodies feel different because that is simply what happens in middle age.

Sometimes all of that is true.

But sometimes it is not.

Sometimes the symptoms we have learned to tolerate are trying to tell us something. Sometimes a laboratory result that is only slightly outside the expected range is the first visible piece of a much larger story. Sometimes our bodies whisper for a long time before they finally begin to shout.

Listening to those whispers is not weakness.

It is wisdom.

When I Could No Longer Hold It Together

In late summer 2024, I experienced sudden, intractable pain in my left thigh. It was a complete mystery, even to me as a physical therapist, and to the orthopedic specialist who quickly agreed to see me.

As the days passed, I found myself in and out of the emergency room. On my third trip, I refused to leave. I knew something was seriously wrong, even though no one yet understood what it was.

I was finally admitted.

Over the next 11 days, I was diagnosed with osteomyelitis involving the periosteum of my femur. Essentially, my femur had become like a pressure cooker with no release valve, and no one knew why.

Waiting for the diagnosis, the pain became unlike anything I had ever experienced. I reached a point where I thought I would do almost anything for relief, even if it meant losing my leg. The nursing team tried every combination of pain medication they could safely give me, but nothing seemed to touch it.

Eventually, I broke.

I remember my mother and my sweet nurse holding my hands while I wept. I had no control, and having no control is something I am extremely uncomfortable with.

But perhaps I needed to break.

I needed to stop trying to manage the moment and allow the people God had placed around me to care for me. I needed to receive comfort instead of trying to manufacture strength I no longer had.

I will never forget my nurse looking directly into my eyes and saying, “This is becoming part of your testimony. God is going to get you through this.”

Through surgery, incredible nurses, my family and more support than I could have created for myself, I made it through.

But my journey—and my testimony—did not end when I left the hospital.

Grace Met Me at Home, Too

I returned home and spent the next six weeks receiving IV antibiotics through a PICC line. My sister, who is a nurse, helped care for me. Her compassion, clinical knowledge and quirky, crazy self carried me through some of the hardest days.

Those weeks challenged me in ways I had not expected. I felt disconnected from work. I felt unproductive and isolated. I experienced FOMO—fear of missing out—to the fullest extent. I felt frustrated, angry, restless and everything in between.

I had built much of my adult identity around doing, producing, solving and helping. Suddenly, I could not do any of those things in the way I was accustomed to doing them.

But in that forced pause, I found something I had not anticipated.

I found peace.

And, admittedly, I found some great viral shows to binge-watch.

But with all seriousness, God slowed me down in a way I never would have chosen for myself. He reminded me that I was not in control and that I did not have to be.

What felt like suffering and immense weakness also brought an unexpected gift. I was able to spend precious weeks with my sister just months after we had lost our father. She had served as his VA caregiver and had carried tremendous responsibility during his illness. In that season, she needed a distanced rest from her normal life just as much as I needed care.

Neither of us would have selected those circumstances, but God created sacred space inside them.

What I could not see at the beginning, I can now understand in hindsight: even in tribulation, God can create space for peace. Even in pain, He can deliver unexpected gifts. Even in weakness, He can place the right people beside us.

One more gift from that experience is the reality of my LOOK UP devotional. When I could not move at my normal pace, God gave me space to listen, reflect and write.

What felt like interruption became inspiration.

Excerpt from LOOK UP: Day 14 — Strength in Weakness

The following section is adapted directly from Day 14 of my LOOK UP devotional.

Healthcare culture often values competence above all else.

We buy into the mantra that we must have confidence, appear fully capable and own a sense of control at all times to be the best version of ourselves—or do we?

Being a caregiver to a family member can come with a huge list of unreasonable expectations and presumptions. Suddenly, you feel like you have to have it all together to fill this important role.

That could not be further from the truth.

Weakness is not disqualifying of a healthcare professional or caregiver’s worth. It is empowering, and it is human.

And we have a Creator waiting for us to lean into and lean onto in these moments.

“Because of You I’m not broken.
Because of You I can hold on.”

—from my song, “But God”

Paul learned that grace fills the space where strength ends.

Strength is not self-generated.

It is supplied.

We will grow weary and weak. In fact, you may find yourself laid out flat on your back saying, “How did I get here?”

It is not a matter of if. It is a matter of when.

What we must remember in those moments is this: grace is waiting for us. God meets us in the space between our lowest and weakest points, filling the gaps until our strength is restored.

We do not have to force our way through.

We are invited to receive.

Humble yourself.

Allow Him.

I have had to, too many times to count.

End of devotional excerpt.

The Lesson Followed Me Beyond the Hospital

My osteomyelitis experience was not my only unexplained medical event. The year before, I had experienced idiopathic acute pancreatitis. “Idiopathic” is the clinical way of saying that no clear cause was identified.

Living through serious medical events without a clear explanation can be unsettling. It can make you question every new symptom and wonder whether something else is being missed beneath the surface.

It can also teach you to pay attention.

In the wellness and advocacy blog I recently shared, I wrote about how routine visits, laboratory monitoring and appropriate follow-up later uncovered another health issue that had likely been developing quietly for some time. I will not repeat that entire story here, but the lesson connects directly to this one.

Strength is not always pushing through.

Sometimes strength is making the appointment.

Sometimes strength is admitting that something does not feel right.

Sometimes strength is asking someone to look again.

And sometimes strength is allowing ourselves to become the patient instead of remaining the professional, caregiver, fixer or advocate for everyone else.

Strength Is Sometimes Making the Appointment

Seeking care is not evidence that our faith is weak.

God can work through physicians, nurses, therapists, laboratory professionals, imaging specialists, medications and surgeons. He can use an annual wellness visit, a repeated laboratory test or one provider who pauses long enough to say, “Let us look at this again.”

We do not prove our faith by ignoring our bodies. We do not glorify God by pretending we do not hurt. We do not demonstrate strength by waiting until our bodies have to shout before we acknowledge the whisper.

Our bodies are not inconveniences to overcome. They are part of the life we have been given to steward.

That means making the appointment. It means completing the recommended laboratory work. It means getting the mammogram, bone-density study, colorectal cancer screening or other preventive service that is due based on our age, health history and individual risks.

It also means reviewing the results instead of assuming that no phone call means every value was normal or meaningful follow-up was unnecessary.

Sometimes advocacy sounds like asking simple questions: What are we watching? When will we check it again? Has this result been abnormal before? Could it be connected to another symptom or diagnosis? Are we looking at the trend, or only at today’s number?

Asking questions is not disrespectful. Following up is not overreacting. Seeking another opinion is not betrayal.

Advocacy is not the same as self-diagnosis. It is becoming an informed participant in the care of the body God entrusted to us.

The Caregiver Still Needs Care

Being a caregiver to a family member can come with an enormous list of unreasonable expectations and assumptions. Suddenly, we believe we must have it all together to fill this important role.

We manage medications, appointments, insurance questions, symptoms, transportation and emotional support. We become translators, advocates, organizers and protectors.

Then, when our own bodies begin asking for attention, we do not know where to place ourselves on the list.

I know what it is like to be a caregiver trying to get care. I also know what it is like to walk into an appointment carrying a laundry list of concerns and feel unable to package them into one neat complaint.

I once saw a new nurse practitioner after my longtime physician left medical practice. I was an absolute mess during that appointment. I had several concerns, all valid and all personally challenging.

She stopped me and said, “Okay, I need you to pick one thing to work on.”

I broke. I simply started crying.

I understand what she meant. Appointment times are limited. Providers are under pressure, and several complex concerns cannot always be addressed safely in one visit. She immediately apologized because she recognized the impact her words had on me.

But in that moment, I did not feel redirected.

I felt deflated.

I had finally gathered the strength to show up and admit that I did not feel well, only to realize that I could not explain what was happening in one concise, billable complaint.

That experience reminded me how difficult healthcare advocacy can be for women. Sometimes the primary concern is not one symptom. The concern is that something simply does not feel right, and we do not yet know which symptom will prove to be the most important clue.

This is where weakness and advocacy meet.

We must be humble enough to say, “I need help.”

We must be courageous enough to say, “I know this could be menopause, stress or aging—but what else should we consider?”

And we must be willing to return, follow up and keep asking when the pieces still do not fit.

Excerpt from LOOK UP: The Day 14 Reset

The following LOOK UP reflection is excerpted from Day 14 of the devotional.

LOOK UP when you feel inadequate.

L — Let go and learn.
Where am I pretending to be stronger than I am?

O — Open your mind.
Weakness invites grace.

O — Open your lungs.
Release the pressure to perform.

K — Kick out the negative.
Imperfection does not erase calling.

U — Unlock reflection.
What is God strengthening in me through this?

P — Promise presence.
I will rely on grace.

End of devotional excerpt.

Perhaps relying on grace today looks like prayer. Perhaps it looks like rest. Perhaps it looks like letting someone else hold your hand while you cry.

Perhaps it looks like scheduling the wellness visit you have postponed, completing the bloodwork, reviewing an abnormal result or asking your provider one more question.

These actions are not separate from faith.

They can be expressions of it.

From the Heart

My osteomyelitis experience taught me that I did not have to remain composed in order to be cared for.

My later health experiences taught me that I do not have to fear every symptom, but I should not dismiss every symptom either.

There is a difference.

Weakness does not erase our worth, competence, purpose or calling. Sometimes it creates the opening through which grace, care and truth finally reach us.

Women spend much of their lives making sure everyone else gets where they need to go, takes what they need to take and receives the care they need. In this season, we must extend some of that same diligence, compassion and persistence to ourselves.

Showing up for our health is not an indulgence.

It is stewardship.

So make the appointment. Complete the testing. Follow the pattern. Ask the question. Accept the help. Let someone hold your hand.

And when your strength ends, remember:

Grace is already there.

Do not wait until your body has to shout before you decide its whispers are worth hearing.

Reflection Questions

1. Where am I pretending to be stronger than I am?

2. Have I delayed a wellness visit, screening or follow-up because someone else’s needs felt more urgent?

3. What symptom, concern or abnormal result have I minimized?

4. What would it look like to receive help instead of forcing my way through?

5. How has God used a season of weakness to reveal an unexpected gift?

6. What appointment or follow-up do I need to make today?

Order the devotional at this link: https://mixam.com/print-on-demand/6a04ddcb2acb826865a2e4df

Order the companion journal to the devotional at this link: https://mixam.com/print-on-demand/6a04f4bc0b7eee0336d17761

This article includes excerpts adapted from Day 14, “Strength in Weakness,” of the author’s LOOK UP devotional. It reflects the author’s personal experience and faith perspective and is intended for education and encouragement. It does not replace individualized medical advice, diagnosis or treatment from a qualified healthcare professional.

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